Audio presentation by therapist Deborah Dorje.
Deep Listening simply means listening with compassion. Even if the other person is full of wrong perceptions, discrimination, blaming, judging and criticizing, you are still capable of sitting quietly and listening without interrupting, without reacting. Because you can know that if you listen like that, the other person will feel enormous relief. Remember that you are listening with only one purpose in mind: to give the other person a chance to express themselves.
Love Listens
A wise being once said happiness comes from giving to others. So to listen to another is a gift, offered freely with no judgment and complete acceptance. In order to develop emotional and mental resilience we need to know we are not facing difficult times alone. We need to feel connected and heard.
Listening to the person, not the problem, with spacious awareness and calm compassionate attention.
Inviting the other to speak with only one thought in mind, to give space for the other to express themselves freely.
Showing acceptance of what is being said, with relaxed body language, expression and eye contact.
To understand that the other suffers as long as they have no one to listen and you, you are the person who can relieve that suffering.
Empathy not sympathy. Sympathy is looking at someone with understanding, but empathy is looking with them, seeing the view from where they are. Empathy comes from the heart.
No need to provide answers or rush to solutions. Compassionate listeners can affirm and accept whatever thoughts and feelings arise without the urge to fix the problem.
Allowing silence patiently. Knowing the difference between a thoughtful silence and a silence where someone doesn’t quite know how to begin.
No need to rush, just relax. Allow the emotions to become words that can be expressed.
Discretion and confidentiality are important in order to create a secure space for being heard.
Listen to understand, not to reply.
Offering a simple phrase such as "Go on...", or "And then..." Works like magic.
Valuing the person, not the problem. Problems can sometimes seem insurmountable. A listener can’t take the problem away or offer well-meaning reassurance, but can simply be there with body and mind open and curious.
Encouraging and affirming, the listening space is creative, kind and full of possibilities.
Learn about Finding Flexibility, try Water Meditation, listen to the Resilience Podcast or explore more of the Water Element.
Inspired and informed by the words of The Venerable Thich Nhat Hanh and the quiet dedication of the Samaritans UK
If any of these questions speak to you… ponder them, write in your journal or share with a friend, as you like.
